Having now read the revised Chapter One, I feel that this is much better than the original -the introduction of Megan really lifts it and changes the pace. It makes it more real as no doubt many small boys have older sisters and will be able to relate to this. It also begins a thread of a story in which Megan might feature.

There's still quite a lot of Tristan's internal thought process but it's now interspersed with dialogue and the idea of Tristan recognising the difference between fact and fantasy. There is a fast pace which is broken by Megan's appearance, a moment of reality in the adventure, and that's good as it changes the pace and we don't get tired of it all being about Tristan. It's more 3-dimentional. Also, the image of Megan in the pink dress was really strong and I wonder if more colour and visual images like this are needed for this age group.

I still wonder if the title could be more captivating.

However, it's really good to see someone take on board the comments given by other people and make such headway. This is what the process is all about.